Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. Matthew 14:25. My hands and feet continued to hurt and my medication continued to increase and change with no good results. I had a problem balancing myself when I walked. I had to look down and take one step at a time. If I stepped on anything or stepped on uneven grounds it would twist my ankle and I would stumble. I remember when I started going to the doctor, the nurse would take my vital signs and they would ask me if I had fallen. I would always look at them funny and say, “No”. Well since I have finished my chemo treatments, I have fallen 3 times. I fell once getting an umbrella out of my back seat in the rain, I fell getting into my car at the church after church services taking pictures, and I fell in my house. Thank God, each time I fell even though I was alone, I did not hurt myself. I only fell on my colostomy bag once; it did not do any harm. I could not make a left or right turn without thinking about it first. It was almost as if I had to say, “Okay, think about it, pick up your foot and turn your body”. If I did not go through that thought process, I would stumble when walking and turning left or right. I had to also make adjustments when driving. Over the last several years I have had back problems. I have left work almost balled up like a pretzel and had to drive on the highway 70 miles home. There were times that I would leave the house with a long umbrella in my car just in case my back went out and I would have the umbrella to reach the brake so I could at least pull over and stop the car. Well now my feet were numb and I could not feel the brakes or gas pedal. I could hear my foot if I tapped on the pedals or I knew I had my foot on the gas pedal if I was going or speeding up, and I knew I had my foot on the brakes if I was slowing down. When I got on the highway, I would set the cruise control. My hands and fingers were constantly moving, just touching the steering wheel was like a tiny shock going through my hands. As you walk on the waves of life, Jesus will come to you and comfort you. You just have to doubt not, keep your eyes on Jesus and just keep walking!!
